


Quiche the Cook

by deputyperrish



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Tampa Bay Lightning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-03-16 04:35:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13628697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deputyperrish/pseuds/deputyperrish
Summary: The thing is, he probably should've seen this coming. For years they’ve mocked and teased him and yeah, there might’ve been a few mishaps, but it’s not like anyone died. Although after the last incident ended with the fire department being called out and everyone in the building having to be evacuated at 2am, he should’ve guessed they would do something like this.





	Quiche the Cook

**Author's Note:**

  * For [darkone](https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkone/gifts).



> For the lightning fic exchange. Unbetaed so all mistakes are my own. (When Andrej and Ondrej are speaking and the words are italicized, they are speaking Czech.)

The thing is, he probably should've seen this coming. For years they’ve mocked and teased him and yeah, there might’ve been a few mishaps, but it’s not like anyone died. Although after the last incident ended with the fire department being called out and everyone in the building having to be evacuated at 2 am, he should’ve guessed they would do something like this. 

 

“A cooking class?" He asks skeptically, staring down at the voucher for one (1) culinary arts lesson.

 

“It was 32 degrees outside and I was in my underwear,” Ondrej reminds him with a pointed look. 

 

“I was  _ naked _ !” Tyler shouts from the kitchen. “The ambulances didn’t even have any blankets left by the time I got outside. Mrs. B from apartment 4H still won’t look at me. The other day I asked her to hold the elevator and I’m at least ninety-three percent sure she pressed the fucking close button.”

 

“Ouch.” Ondrej winces.  

 

“No one told you to leave your apartment naked, Tyler.” Andrej points out. 

 

“ _ It was an emergency _ !" He says, finally coming back into the room, holding a small tray of cupcakes with already lit wax candles in them. “Just say thank you, you dick.” He sets the tray in front of Andrej, before moving to sit on the other side of him on the couch. “Now, Drej and I will sing you happy birthday--” 

 

“Please don’t.” Andrej cuts him off. 

 

“--and you’re gonna blow out these candles and make a fuckin’ wish so we can go out and have some real fun, huh? Whaddaya say?” Tyler continues, unfazed.   

 

“Just make your wish,  Šustřík ,” Ondrej says, yawning. “Maybe then he will shut up.” 

 

“I wish I had better friends; Ones that don’t make me go to dumb cooking classes," he mutters, blowing out the candles, only to have them relight a few seconds later. 

 

Tyler cackles, throwing his arms around Andrej’s shoulders. “Thanks for saying that out loud, buddy. Now it definitely won’t come true! You’re stuck with us!” 

 

Ondrej rolls his eyes, grabbing a cupcake, carefully pulling the candle out and snuffing it in his glass of water. “Were trick candles the best idea, considering this one’s track record of setting things on fire?” 

 

“For fucks sake! How was I supposed to know ramen noodles could catch on fire?”

 

* * *

  
  


Andrej tries to put it out of his mind, like ignoring the slip of paper Tyler put in his wallet--“For when you get that pyro urge!”--meant he wouldn’t have to go. 

 

If only it were that easy. 

 

Ondrej and Tyler give him about two weeks to use their gift on his own time before deciding to take matters into their own hands. It starts with Tyler running to catch the elevator. Andrej honestly considers for a brief moment to let it close, but at the last minute sticks his hand out, holding the doors open for a panting Tyler to fall through. 

 

“Hey, thanks, man." He says, slapping Andrej on the shoulder before pushing the button for his floor. “So when should Drej and I be coming over for dinner?” Andrej musters up his best bitchface in response, but Tyler actually looks a little… disappointed? “Come on, you still haven’t used it? You know that thing expires, right?” 

 

“In like a year!” Andrej protests. He read the small print, thank you very much. He was actually looking for their return policy but no dice. 

 

“Man, I don’t even know what the big issue is. All the reviews on the website make it sound like a lot of fun! I would do it,” he says, shrugging. “but I already know how to cook instant noodles.” 

 

Andrej punches him in the shoulder as the elevator pings and the doors open. Tyler steps out onto his floor, laughing. 

 

Ondrej catches him as he’s unlocking his door. They live across the hall from each other and Andrej’s not entirely sure it’s a coincidence that Ondrej was leaving his apartment just as he’s entering his, especially so soon after the incident with Tyler in the elevator, but he doesn’t want to put too much thought into it. 

 

“Hey, did you go to your cooking class yet?" He asks, straight to point, which Andrej can appreciate, even though he groans in frustration. 

 

“What is this, a tag team effort?" He asks, but Ondrej just shrugs.

 

“I have no idea what you're talking about.”

 

And it continues like that for about a month straight. Tyler corners him in the elevator--somehow always there, waiting for him. About two weeks into his hellish situation, he reluctantly took the stairs only to be greeted with a smirking Tyler on the 5th floor. Ondrej, on the other hand, attacks right outside his door. Usually on his way to work, so he says, but he’s not completely convinced Ondrej isn't standing behind the door, spying through the peephole, waiting for him to come home.

 

Of course, there are days when he doesn’t get bombarded by one or both of them for one reason or another, but those days are too few and far between to bring him any real peace. 

 

In the middle of January, he has a particularly shitty day. He wakes up late, with a pounding in his head and when he goes to make his coffee, he can’t seem to focus so instead of pressing the button for a single cup, he hits the one for a full pot and by the time he comes back from the using the bathroom, his cup is overflowing and spreading quickly over the counter and onto the floor. By the time he gets the mess cleaned up, his coffee is cold and he decides to give up on it completely. When he finally leaves his apartment, he notices a note on the elevator doors stating that the elevator is undergoing routine maintenance so that means he has to take the stairs. As soon as he steps outside, it starts raining and he quickly hails a cab, already cursing at the expensive fare he’s going to have to pay. When he finally makes it to work after paying the cab driver a stupid amount of money for such a short journey, he makes his way up to the floor, trying to sneak past his boss’ office and just barely making it. Unfortunately, his boss catches up with him later, and he gets a very firm talking to in front of the rest of his eavesdropping coworkers. About half an hour before his lunch break, a client calls with a few questions about one of the promotional fees and he ends up spending his entire break on the phone with this one person. So now he’s hungry and tired and angry, ready to come home and relax, but instead, he runs into Tyler in the elevator, only today he doesn’t have the patience and snaps, making the short trip to the fifth floor awkward as hell. He doesn’t care. When he reaches his floor, he completely blows past Ondrej and steps into his apartment, dropping his messenger bag on the ground, kicking out of his shoes and going into the kitchen for some food. But when he opens his fridge, the only things in there are weeks old Mich Ultra that Tyler bought and never drank and yellow mustard.

 

It all comes crashing down then, the entire day of one frustration after another finally breaking him down enough that he gives up. He’s done. They win.

 

He digs the folded voucher out of his wallet and calls the number on the back, reserving a space for himself in the next class on Friday. They send him an email confirmation that he screenshots and sends to both Tyler and Ondrej and then ignores their responses. He orders a pizza and spends the rest of the night sulking on the couch, binge-watching 30 Rock...

 

* * *

  
  


For the rest of the week, everything seems to go back to normal. Ondrej and Tyler stop stalking him so he can come and go as he pleases. And most importantly, he stops getting a string of sad face emoji texts every time the delivery guy knocks on his door.

 

Honestly, he should’ve known it wouldn’t last. 

 

He leaves his apartment Friday morning only to run into Ondrej on his way out of the elevator, biting into something that smells like eggs and something else, something spicy. His mouth waters.

 

“ _ Just getting in _ ?" He asks, raising his eyebrows. It's almost seven in the morning, which is hours after his shift usually ended. 

 

Ondrej yawns and pats him on the back as they switch spots in the elevator. “ _ Hey, good luck today. _ " He says over his shoulder. “ _ Don’t catch anything on fire. _ ” Andrej flips him off even though he can’t see.

 

He hits the button for the first floor a little harder than necessary, but figures that today it’s warranted. He leans against the back wall, sleepily watching the number fall, sighing when it stops on 5. Sure enough, Tyler is standing right outside the doors looking more than a little disheveled and holding out a paper bag.

 

“Here, it’s for luck." He shakes the bag and Andrej catches a whiff of something deliciously greasy. He snatches the bag out of his hands and Tyler blows him a kiss as the doors slide shut on his stupid, smug face.

 

When the numbers start moving down again, he peeks in the bag to find a neatly wrapped breakfast burrito and two mini round hash browns strategically placed on either side and he doesn’t have enough faith in Tyler to think it's a coincidence it’s positioned to look like a dick.  His pathetic granola bar breakfast seemed like hours ago as his stomach grumbles and he digs out one of the potato patties, scarfing it down in three quick bites. 

 

When he steps outside into the early morning sun, he snaps a picture of himself taking a huge bite of the burrito and adds a smiley face to the text because English is hard this early in the morning. 

 

He gets three heart emojis in response. 

 

* * *

 

It’s pouring when he gets out of work which he takes as the omen that it obviously is, but the address he looked up earlier said the class was only a few blocks away. Thankfully one of his coworkers offered to let him borrow their umbrella until they reached their car parked in the garage around the corner. He ended up running another four blocks in the rain so that by the time he bursts through the doors of the small shop, his clothes are already soaked through.  

 

He runs his hand through his hair, slicking it back as he tries to catch his breath and assess the damage and, yeah. There are puddles in his shoes. Great. 

 

A hand touches his arm, and when he brings his face up from frowning at his feet, he notices a small woman with a soft smile trying to get his attention. He glances behind her quickly taking in the rest of the room and the large group of people crowded together, staring at him. It’s an embarrassing reminder that he is actually dripping all over the floor and he blushes, turning back to the woman speaking in front of him. 

 

“--me. We’ve got some towels in the back for you to dry off, huh?” She gently moves her hand to his upper back, guiding him away. He winces when he takes his first step as his shoes make a loud  _ squish  _ sound. The woman begins leading him down a hallway, cutting right through the group of people who readily step aside as he walks through. They walk behind a large curtain and she stops right inside it, leaving him by a door that says it’s for employees only. “Here we are, sweetie. You just wait right here and I’ll be right back with a towel, alright?” And then she goes into another room while he awkwardly shifts, seriously considering just going home, stalker friends be damned, but before he can turn and bolt, the woman comes back with an armful of cloth.

 

“These are the biggest ones I could find,” she says apologetically, holding up one of the towels and Andrej tries not to wince at the size. It’s literally a dishcloth. 

 

What the fuck is he supposed to do with that? 

 

“If you want to go into this bathroom here, you can dry off and when you’re done, you can just leave anything wet over here in this bag, alright?” She points to a big burlap bag in the corner. “Oh, I grabbed you a t-shirt, too. It might be a little big, but I went up a size hoping it’ll long enough.”

 

He thanks her and she, thankfully doesn’t linger long, so he slips into the bathroom, setting everything down on the vanity before taking out his phone.

  
  


I came and now I’m leaving. 

**5:24 pm**

 

_ Hello is this the guy from the bar the other night bc yea i kno what happened _

**5:25 pm**

 

_ Rlly tho?? The class hasn’t even started yet???? _

**5:25 pm**

 

I hate you

**5:26 pm**

 

_ ily too baby _

**5:26 pm**

 

_ Have fun!!!! _

**5:27 pm**

 

_ Use protection!!!!! _

**5:27 pm**

 

_ ya kno so u dont burn urself lol _

**5:27 pm**

 

Andrej rolls his eyes, setting his phone down on the counter, not even bother answering. It pings once more but he ignores that, too, because fuck Tyler, that’s why.

 

He’s figured he’s stalled long enough and the cold from the rain is starting to finally sink into his skin. He shimmies out of his jacket, hanging it on the hook on the back of the door and then sheds the soaked shirt off his body, grabbing at one of the towels from the stack to dry off his chest and arms as best he can. He slips into the new shirt and it’s definitely too big, but at least it’s dry. His jeans, however,  cannot be saved and that’s going to be super unfuckingcomfortable but the absolute worst part is his shoes. He slips out of them, holding them upside down over the sink and watching water drip out with disdain. The best he can do is grab some paper towels and stuff them into the soles and hope the next two hours aren’t going to be too active. He takes off his socks to lessen any damage, drying off his feet, resigning himself to having smelly feet either way.

 

There’s a small pile of towels building up on the floor now, so while he’s trying to avoid putting his shoes back on for as long as possible, he takes a fresher towel and runs it through his hair and over his face. He’s probably as dry as he’s gonna get, so he collects the used towels, his shirt, and socks, throws his jacket over his arm and slips into his shoes, sighing in discomfort as his toes squish down into the soles.

 

Andrej gives himself a once over in the mirror, running his hand through his hair again. The black shirt he was given makes his skin seem even paler, and it’s not how he’d leave the house looking if he had any say, but he’s already here, so fuck it. 

 

He starts gathering up all the wet towels off the ground, bundles up his socks, shirt, and jacket together and exits the bathroom. He drops everything into the bag as instructed and heads back into the main area. It’s still a few minutes before the class is set to start so everyone is still standing around, mingling. A few people smile at him as he walks out, but he’s not in the mood for socializing. Instead, he looks for a seat he can safely sit in without fear of doing any water damage to it. 

 

As soon as his ass hits the seat, his phone rings. Sighing, he doesn’t even look at who’s calling before answering. “Hello?”

 

“ _ How’s it going _ ?” Ondrej geets him back.

 

“ _ I’m wet. _ ” He deadpans.

 

“Kinky.” 

 

“ _ You’re just as bad as _ Tyler,” he grumbles. 

 

“ _ Yeah, I think it might be overexposure. He’s contagious _ ,”

 

“ _ Maybe you should see a doctor _ ,” he suggests and on the other end, he hears Ondrej snort. 

 

“ _ Probably. But really. What’s wrong? _ ”

 

Andrej looks around the room again and scratches his forehead, sighing. “ _ It’s all couples. _ ” There were fifteen other people in the room -- he counted seven men and eight women -- and everyone was mostly paired together, talking quietly, except for a small group of two women and one man. 

 

“ _ That’s perfect! They’ll be too busy focusing on each other, so you won’t even have to socialize. _ ”

 

“ _ Sure, _ ” he scoffs.  

 

“ _ You could always pretend you can’t speak English _ .”

 

Andrej lets his silence speak for itself. 

 

“ _ If you don’t want to stay, you don’t have to. You went and that’s what matters. _ ” Ondrej says eventually. 

 

“ _ You didn’t really give me a choice, _ ” he points out. 

 

“ _ You’re right. _ ” He concedes and Andrej can hear the grin in his voice when he says, “ _ I’m proud of you anyway. _ ”

 

“ _ Oh my god, _ ” Andrej rolls his eyes. “ _ Goodbye. _ ”

 

“I LOVE YOU!” Ondrej shouts before he can end the call and he’ll never tell Ondrej this, but he smiles just a little. 

 

Even though he was speaking quietly, when he looks up a few people are looking at him curiously and he thinks they’re trying to figure out what language he was speaking. He notices one girl in particular keeps side-eyeing him, but before she can muster up any confidence to come over, the older woman from earlier comes back into the room.

 

“Alright, everyone. I just want to start tonight by thanking you all for coming. I see a few returning faces. No date tonight, Alex?” She smirks and Andrej follows her line of sight to the man from earlier who was hanging around two other women. The women are laughing, but the man just shrugs. 

 

“You know you’re my one and only, Elena.” He says, blowing her a kiss and causing the rest of the crowd to laugh. Andrej can only watch with confusion. Who willingly comes to a cooking class enough times to be a regular? 

 

“Mmhm. Well, like Alex said, my name is Elena of Elena’s catering and today I’m going to be teaching you some basic skills that will help you make the meal we’ll be preparing today and that you can also apply to later cooking endeavors in the future.” She claps her hands together. “Now, if everyone’s ready, we can go ahead and get started.” She starts leading the way around the counter and into the larger back room.

 

There are four tables on the left side of the room and four on the right, each covered with a spread of different utensils and pans. In the very back, there’s one table, dead center. There are 2 double ovens built into the wall and small stove tops at the end of each station. Elena goes to the table at the very end and the rest of the group moves to examine the items on the table. Andrej picks the table closest to the back and sits down on one of the stools there, but he looks over surprised as someone pulls out the stool next to him. 

 

“She’s going to separate everyone into pairs,” the guy from earlier, Alex, says, nodding to the front of the room. “What do you say... Partners?” He tilts his head, smiling slightly. Andrej just shrugs. 

 

“Sure,” he says, holding out his hand. “I’m Andrej.” 

 

“Alex,” he smiles, shaking Andrej’s hand. 

 

“You come here often?” Andrej asks before he can think the question though. Alex laughs and Andrej sighs. “I just mean… The lady, Elena… She seems to think you’re a regular. No offense, but this seems like a weird place for a first date.” 

 

Alex laughs again, shaking his head. “Is it, though? I’ve been on a lot of dates,” Andrej snorts, but Alex waves him off. “No, listen! I’ve been on a lot of dates, and I’ve had the same boring conversations over dinner every time; What do you do for a living, what did you major in school, how many siblings do you have. It’s all a game of twenty questions, which is boring as fuck. At least this way, we’ve got an activity to distract us from the stress of a first date and conversations flow more naturally.” Andrej raises his eyebrows, hoping it conveys all the skepticism in his body. “You laugh, but trust me,” he spreads his arms, smirking. “I’ve dated a lot of people.” 

 

“So you’ve said,” Andrej rolls his eyes. 

 

“You don’t believe me?” He asks in mock offense.  

 

Andrej gives him a once over. “You look like the type,” he hums. 

 

Alex smirks. “To date a lot of people?”

 

“To brag about dating a lot of people,” Andrej corrects.

 

“Ouch.”

 

“Come on, you totally asked for that one.” 

 

“When?” 

 

“‘I date a lot of people’” Andrej tries to imitate Alex’s voice, mocking him. “That was easily the douchiest thing I’ve heard today and I’m currently working on an ad for male enhancement protein shakes.” Alex looks confused, so he continues. “Marketing is full of ‘remember the glory days’ dickheads with terrible marketing advice and too many personal anecdotes that are probably all wildly overexaggerated. I only have to go to one of those meetings every month and usually I go out for much-needed drinks afterward, but today I had to come to,” he waves his arms around him. “This.” Rant over, he looks back to Alex to find the man smiling at him softly, but his eyes are laughing. “Shut up,” 

 

Alex raises his hands. “Hey, I didn’t say anything.” 

 

“Yeah, okay.” 

 

“I think I know what’ll make you feel better,” He smirks, holding his hand in the air. Andrej raises his eyebrows at him, questioningly, but Alex just winks.  

 

“Yes, Alex?” Elena asks from the front of the room and they both turn to look at her. To be honest, Andrej completely forgot they weren’t actually alone and she was clearly in the middle of talking to everyone. 

 

“Are we at the alcohol portion of the opening speech?” Alex asks and everyone laughs, including Elena. Andrej just rolls his eyes. 

 

“Impatient tonight, are we?” She quips back, but Alex just shrugs. 

 

“My new friend here has had a rough day,” Andrej turns to glare at Alex as the rest of the group laughs again. “He needs a little something.” 

 

Elena hums, looking at Andrej carefully. “Alright, well I guess special circumstances and all that.” She turns back to the group. “We do have a bar area over here on the left, so if anyone would like a drink, they’re welcome to help themselves. We also carry non-alcoholic beverages as well.” She waves her arm to a small counter cluttered with wine bottles and a small mini fridge. 

 

Alex stands up right away. “Look, you don’t even have to lift a finger. Just sit right here and I’ll be right back,” 

 

“What if I don’t like what you bring me?” Andrej asks, crossing his arms over his chest. 

 

“Then I’ll drink both of them,” Alex smirks. “But don’t worry, you’ll like it. I think we probably have similar taste.” Andrej hums but lets him go and watches him the whole way to the small bar. A few other people stand and go over, blocking his view so he doesn’t actually see what Alex pours him, but when he comes back, he carrying a wine glass half full with dark red liquid. “For you,” He says, setting on of the glasses down before sipping on his own. 

 

Andrej carefully picks up the glass and sniffs it. He hates wine but takes a sip anyway, not really sure why. 

 

It’s terrible and he hates it. It must show on his face because Alex, who’s watching him carefully, starts laughing. 

 

“Or maybe not,” He plucks the glass from Andrej’s hand and pours it into his own. “So what do you like, since I obviously have no clue?”

 

“Beer.” 

 

“Nobody actually likes beer,” Alex protests and Andrej just shrugs.

 

“When it’s all you can afford, you acquire a taste.” 

 

“Fair enough.” Alex concedes and stands again. “So, I think El carries Mich Ultra, Heineken, and Bud?” 

 

“You pick.” Andrej challenges and watches as Alex’s eyes light up.

 

“Ooh, a shot for redemption? I’ll take it.” 

 

This time when he walks away, Andrej doesn’t bother watching him, instead, he takes out his phone, quickly texting Ondrej before realizing he’s probably at work by now and instead texts Tyler. 

 

I think this guy is flirting with me but it’s been so long I forgot what that feels like

**5:54 pm**

 

_ SUXK HIS DIKC _

**5:54 pm**

 

Wtf???

5:54 pm 

 

_ PUT HMI ON THE TBALE AND EAT COHCOLATE SYRPU OFF HIS BODY _

**5:55 pm**

 

_ FUCK THA BOY ANDREJ OR S O H ELP ME _

**5:55 pm**

 

“Sending out an SOS?” Alex asks, standing right beside him again, making him jump. He’s holding a bottle of Heineken and Andrej has to hide his smile behind his hand as he quickly locks his phone, setting it down on the table.

 

“Even if I was, would I actually tell you that?” He asks, reaching for the beer Alex sets in front of him. 

 

“So I got it right?” He asks, hopefully. 

 

“You did alright, I guess.” 

 

“Oh, okay.” Alex rolls his eyes, sipping from his glass. “So, who were you texting? Girlfriend?” Andrej snorts and Alex raises his eyebrows, speaking his next word slowly. “Boyfriend?” 

 

“No boyfriend,” Andrej confirms and Alex seems to take that as the invitation it is, smirking slightly. 

 

“And if you boys in the back are ready, we’re going to start the class now,” Elena’s voice cuts through the room and when they look up, she’s watching them both with a raised eyebrow. The rest of the group seem to have started working on their prep stations, but Andrej has no idea what it is they’re actually doing. 

 

“Don’t worry,” Alex must notice the panic in his eyes, because he whispers this out of the side of his mouth, eyes still on Elena in the front. “I’ve got you,” 

 

Andrej looks over at him and sighs. “I should probably let you know now, I kinda have a record of setting things on fire.” 

 

Alex stares at him for a moment before laughing to himself and reaching under the table and pulling out a mini fire extinguisher, patting it gently. “I got you.” 

**Author's Note:**

> OKAY HAVE A NICE DAY I LOVE YOU THANK YOU FOR READING GOODNIGHT


End file.
